Lilou
by Psad
Summary: On her birthday, Lilou C. Constantine finds a box and a letter in her room.


It's the first time I write in English so I apologize for any mistake, hope it's comprehensible and like we said in my country : bonne lecture :)

* * *

My sweet Lilou,

It's more difficult for me to write this letter that I thought it would be. Yesterday, John, you and me celebrated your birthday : my baby is two years old already. The best two years of my life, no matter what.

I write you this letter to explain a few things and if my last will was respect, you are sixteen now and live with John. Maybe you have heard of my name, maybe not. So I'm going to introduce myself : my name is Chas Kramer and I am your father. I asked if I'll die before you're three that John take my place as your father. So young, you should not remember me, it will be easier for you. I've lost my dad when I was really young and it was so difficult at time, I don't want that for you. Don't be angry with me, please, 'cause I've always did what I thought would be the best for you. You're everything to me and I want everything for you. It will be hard to understand all I have to say but I'm begging you to try.

Before I started to write, I've gone to the Church and spoke to Michael. My heart is at peace now because I know that, even if there is a huge probability that John'll die soon, you will never be alone. I have faith in God, I have faith in John and, for you, I'm ready to accept the fact that my daughter think of another as her father. With John, I know that you'll be strong enough to deal with this even if you're only sixteen. If John's dead, and I hope is not, I'll pray for you to be able to deal with all that - I'm sure Michael will give you this letter on the right time.

So, like I said I'm Chas Kramer, your father. Your birth's name is Lilou Charly Kramer. Your mum was Charlie S. Clairy, she died at nineteen when you were only two weeks old. She was a beautiful and smart woman. I loved her so much and I know she loved me the same. And you, Louli, you were our sunshine, nothing could have more importance that your happiness and, for two weeks, we were so happy. Perhaps we were young for being parents but we were happy together all the same. One day, she said she wanted to go out alone to buy a present for her two favorites people in the world (you and me). She said she had the perfect idea and she couldn't wait so I stayed with you. She never came back. She was murdered and the police only said to me that her last words were for her daughter, for you. She wanted you to know all the love she had for you.

At first, I didn't ask question but a few days later I wanted, needed answers. The police didn't have them. So I searched by myself and I've found always the same answers : "Satan", "babbling in Latin" and "Constantine". I read, a lot, about Satan, Latin and exorcism and when I met new people there was always a moment in the discussion when the name Constantine made an apparition.

It was a month after Charlie's death that I met John Constantine, just where the police found her body. And, oddly, when all I had learned scream to me that he was bad news and I should hate him, I wasn't able to. His face wore this expression of "don't fuck with me" but his eyes were so sad Lilou, I couldn't even started to dislike him. With time, I've been able to understand Charlie's death. John had tried to save her but she was too weak. I know that he feels responsible for her death and I should probably have said that he was not, that her family thanks him for trying -because I am grateful for that, tell him Lilou. But I didn't even say that I knew Charlie, I couldn't talk about her, it was too soon, then time passed and I've learned that John wasn't the talking guy... For John, it was business and only business, so I talked about business and nothing else, until the time there was no other option for me.

You were fifteen months old when John met you for the first time. I think he was shocked to learn that the "kid" was indeed a father, well I had said that I was not a kid but guess what ? John didn't really care when I talked before that day. After that, everything changed for you and me. We were homeless but not for long, John found out, he shared his bed with me and installed yours in the bedroom so I can watch over you even in my sleep. Sometimes you sleep with us and John says that's a dumb thing to do, that children shouldn't sleep with their parents, but I can say he's falling for you. His eyes aren't so sad anymore and sometimes I found you both laughing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, and I let you two alone because I'm not sure of John's reaction if he knew that I'm watching. That's why I choose John. He's really ill and angry with God and everybody, except you. He's always sweet (don't tell him I said that!) with you and I know he'll take good care of you if something happens to me.

John asked me to stay with you tonight and I have to say I wish to pass most of my time with you Lilou. But like I explain to John, he's not sure to be able to stop Mammon alone and if he fails, it will be literally Hell on Hearth. I have to help him, it's my job as your father to protect you and your future and, it's my job as John's apprentice and it sure is my job to protect him, after all even if he wouldn't recognize that's true, he is our family.

If I die tonight or soon, I just want you to know that you'll always be in my heart, my sweet little girl.

Well, I have to go Louli but if you have questions, you can always ask John and if John doesn't have answers, go to the Church, go to Michael.

Be good for John,

Have faith,

and know that I will love you forever Louli,

your daddy,

CK

_P.S. : The key open a wooden box. There, you will find photos of your mom, baby you and me, and some with John._

Take care my little angel.


End file.
